my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
