Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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