He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
