Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
