i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
