I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
