Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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