I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
