So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
