Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize