Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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