do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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