I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
