I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
