Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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