Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
