In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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