Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
