I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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