is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
