Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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