It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
