This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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