I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
