I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
