you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
