What did we do last night that was yellow?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
