Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
