So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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