i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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