Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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