it was like his penis was on wheels.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
