I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
