the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
