the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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