Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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