I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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