rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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