Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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