It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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