I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
