i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
