i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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