Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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