Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
