You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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