Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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