she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize