dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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