he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
