Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is not my ceiling
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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