the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
