I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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