well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
