Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
