i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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