i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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