i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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