I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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