Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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