I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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