I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
