buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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