The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
