Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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