my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
