Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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