please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
