I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
