just tell him i said nine months
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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