Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
