what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
