This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
