I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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