I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
