But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize