i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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