Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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