woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
