If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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