My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
