Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
