my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
