my room smells like sperm. sweet.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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