my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
