the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
