She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
