i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
