I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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