i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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