This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
