I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
