you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
