So drunk, too bad you don't want this
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize