Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
