when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
