Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
