ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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