I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
