did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
