She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
