Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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