I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize